


A Test of Will

by CaptainLokii



Series: Beautiful Angels and their besotted demons [3]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Body Image, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Time, Fluff and Angst, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Protectiveness, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Virginity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-11
Updated: 2019-06-11
Packaged: 2020-04-24 09:20:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19170343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaptainLokii/pseuds/CaptainLokii
Summary: Aziraphale wants to try something he'd read about in books and Crowley had mentioned enjoying a lot but Gabriel's cruel words still hold a tight grip on his mind. Can he fight to overcome those thoughts or will he push Crowley away for good.





	A Test of Will

“I'd like to try”

“Hmm Angel?” Crowley said only half paying attention to him as he played on a contraption he called an “exbox”. A new hobby he'd picked up in the past year since the apocalypse was averted that made far to much noise for his personal tastes but since Crowley seemed to spend all his time now that he wasn't working in his little bookshop to the point that he'd almost say they'd moved in together. Only almost though. If either of them said aloud that they had done something so frightfully domestic and human it made them both rather uncomfortable still. A lingering fear from the days they hid their relationship from their former 'sides' who had long since stopped bothering them other than the occasional renegade angel or demon who they dealt with with a snap. 

“I said I'd like to try.” The demon looked at him with a raised brow.

“Try what?” 

“Oh don't make me say it Crowley you know how it makes me blush.” 

The demon smirked his game now forgotten with a blood splattered red screen with the words “game over” written across it now covering the television. “Why do you think I enjoy making you say it so much.” 

“Crowley” he huffed fiddling with the hem of his waistcoat a tick he always found himself doing when he got nervous. “I want to try and have... have...sex...with you” He'd been thinking about it for a long time. It wasn't something he'd ever considered doing before. Angels didn't have such carnal desires, or so he'd been told since his creation but spending 6000 years around a beautiful demon with legs that reached to the heavens and eyes so beautiful they made him weak at the knee whenever he was blessed with being able to see them. 

His cheeks burned brighter than his old sword and Crowley's mischievous grin turned to one of sympathy. “Are you sure?” 

“Well I know how much you want to...and I suppose it can't be so bad if humanity does it so frequently...I just... I don't want to disappoint you” He was petrified. He'd rather go and face down the devil again but single handed than lose Crowley and that's what he feared would happen when he saw...that...the plump pink softness that covered his body and hung from him so unattractively. He'd tried so hard over the last year to get over the silliness he'd developed in his mind about his body but all he'd succeeded in doing was getting better at hiding it. So now he was dealing with the fear of losing Crowley when he saw how revolting he looked under his clothes but also the fear of losing him after realising despite all his efforts he still couldn't get over himself after what Gabriel had said. 

“Stupid Angel” Crowley growled slamming the remote down on the table making him wince and curl further into himself. He regretted saying anything. He'd never made Crowley truly mad at him before but now hell fire was burning in his eyes and it was all directed at him. 

“I'm sorry” he whispered lip wobbling slightly. 

“I'm going to kill that bastard for real this time.” the mug of cocoa that was on the desk beside him was now bubbling to a boil over the rim. “Angel I don't want you having sex with me out of obligation or fear. I'm perfectly comfortable being celibate for the rest of eternity if it means being by your side. Having sex with you just because you feel you HAVE to wouldn't be right. It would be the most evil thing a person could ever do and don't even get me started on the idea that I could ever be disappointed in you. Angel do you still not see? I love you. Every inch of you and I couldn't give less of a fuck how much you weigh or what your waist measurement is.” Crowley has stepped right up to him and his hand is pressed firmly against his stomach. He feels nauseous the second he feels those beautifully nimble fingers press into his pudgy flesh. He can't bring himself to look his demon in the eyes. “I want to have sex with you when you feel ready because I want to show you how beautiful I think you are and I want you to believe it for real not just because you think I want to hear it.” Crowley kept his hand firmly on his belly despite his attempts to pull away and hampered him further by placing another on his behind. “You are perfect Aziraphale. Don't ever feel obligated to do something just because you feel its what I want. You aren't ready and I understand that. We can wait.” 

He kept hearing the words beautiful and perfect. Crowley told him every single day even before they'd gotten together he'd told him he was beautiful and maybe once he'd believed him. If he was being honest with himself he didn't entirely want to have sex out of obligation but also out of curiosity but fear was holding him back. “I want to Crowley. I do. Not because you want to but I do but also because I want to feel that close to you to be joined to you in the most intimate of ways but I...I can't bare you seeing me like this” he gestured down to where the demons hand still held firm to his pudge. 

Crowley moved his hand finally and instead used it to lift his chin so he had no choice to look into this eyes. His eyes showed no disappointment or anger like he feared but instead only love and adoration. “If you want to have sex or even just try something more intimate then we can do that but I want to see you Aziraphale. I want to see all of you open and unashamed even if it means spending the next century in bed with you slowly removing your clothing piece by piece and kissing every inch of you till you realise im not leaving you just because you aren't skeletal.” he felt a shiver down his spine as his mind wondered to the imaginary sensation of Crowley kissing down his chest. 

“I want to make love you Aziraphale.” Crowley kissed along his jaw and down his neck, nibbling on the spot on his neck that the demon knew always made him gasp. “I want to take you into the bedroom lay you down on those pristine sheets you love so much and take every single piece of your clothing off one by one with my teeth and kiss every inch of your beautiful body until you completely forget your own name.” The demon was practically purring in his ear as he changed position so his thigh was pressed tightly between his legs causing enough pressure to make him whimper and seek out further friction. This was the limit of what their intimacy had reached in the past before Aziraphale found himself fleeing to a dark corner and sobbing till the sun rose again and he put on a face of nonchalance and went about his day till the next time and it started again. 

“Crowley....” he whispered into his lovers neck “I...” 

“Don't Crowley. Don't say anything unless you really want me to stop. Just let yourself feel good for once without feeling guilty for it.” He gulped and nodded. He wanted this, he did but it was like a wall in his mind he was struggling to get over despite Crowley sitting at the top giving him his hand for support. 

“Good, good my beautiful Angel” Crowley said resuming kissing along his jaw and neck “I'm going to make you feel so good just you wait. Wait until I have you begging for me to rip your clothes off Angel.” Crowley took his hand and pressed a gentle kiss to each knuckle and nuzzled it against his sharp cheek bone “Do you want that my angel? Just tell me what you want” Heavens he couldn't think what he had done to deserve such a wonderful man in his life. He was so lucky to have someone who was so patient with his silliness. He wanted this he did and not just because Crowley wanted it but because he wanted that intimacy and he wanted to feel as beautiful as Crowley claimed he was. 

“Yes. Yes Crowley, please” he could feel his whole body shaking as Crowley took him by the hand and lead him from the back room into the small room he called his bedroom where Crowley had long since magicked his bed from a small single to a grand king that still managed to take up the same amount of space as the single. Crowley lead him and guided him to sit on the edge of the bed and leant in and kissed him. 

As if he could sense his nerves or perhaps he could see him physically shake he kissed him again with a reassuring hand on his cheek. “Don't fret my love I won't do anything to hurt you. If it's to much or you want to stop or do something different or just slow things down just say and we will. This isn't about you or me alone it is about us together as one, our side forever and always. Just. You. And. me.” he finished each of the last few words with a kiss as nimble fingers pushed his pale jacket off his shoulders and down his arms and was thrown with unnatural accuracy to be folded perfectly on a chair in the corner of the room. He couldn't quite tell if it was his work or Crowley's or perhaps a mixture of both. Still it wouldn't do to have rumpled clothing. Next Crowley worked on his bow tie tugging gently on the fabric with his teeth where he knelt on the floor between his legs whilst simultaneously working on the buttons of his waistcoat letting the thick fabric join the other garments on the chair. 

With each item of clothing removed the more he felt himself shake which meant the harder Crowley worked to reassure him. He looked down at the wonderful red headed demon at his feet as his often delicate hands struggled furiously with untieing one of his shoelaces on his boot. He was swearing under his breath about dunking what ever demon invented aglets into holy water and could've sworn he saw firework type sparkles fly out from around his laces and vanish the moment he finally managed to get them undone. 

In theory he knew how sex worked he'd read books on the subject! Many books in fact purely for learnings sake. One couldn't live all these years on earth and not pick up a thing or two. Not that he'd put any of them in to practice of course! Why that wouldn't've been right! But he knew that in the case of two people of opposing genitalia the penis went inside the vagina and in two people of matching genitalia of the male sex or female sex things tended to get a tad more complicated. He'd read things about lubrication and something called douching that had him altogether quite horrified and he'd put off reading further for a few centuries...then a few more...and so on. He just never expected to truly need to know these things it wasn't like he was expecting to ever put any of it into practice but right now he really wished he had because he had no idea what he was doing. 

“Just relax, Angel. Don't overthink things just let your body do what it wants to do.” Crowley said from where he was sucking what on a human being would become a rather large bruise on his neck but in his case would vanish the moment he put his clothes back on. He focused so hard on not over thinking things that he overthought and didn't notice Crowley had undone most of his shirt buttons and his front was exposed right down to his naval. The cold hair against his nipples made them stiffen which Crowley seemed to like as he immediately paid close attention to both with his nimble tongue. The shirt joined the rest and he felt so exposed in just his trousers whilst the beautiful creation in front of him was still in all his. He self consciously wrapped his arms around his body hiding what he could from view. “Now, now Angel don't go shy on me now. The fun is only just beginning and as if on queue the demons clothes practically melted off of him like liquid and vanished into nothing leaving him bare and standing rather visibly to attention. He felt himself stir again in his own britches as he took in the vision before him. 

“Crowley...”

“You don't have to ask to touch me Angel just do what feels right” he hadn't even realised he was asking permission to reach out and run his hands over the man's body. His wiry frame with exposed ribs but not sickly so and his hip bones that jutted out boldly leaving a deep V like an arrow pointing down to what by his own reckoning seemed to be a quite enormously large penis. His fingers traced over every freckle and line that covered the mans body till he finally allowed his hands to wonder lower and he took the phallus in his hand. It was warm and firm but with a soft outside and despite its size seemed to fit perfectly into his palm. He gave it a few gentle strokes as that is what he'd heard people did when they were pleasuring themselves so he could only assume it felt the same for another person. On the third tug he let his thumb trace over the tip which got a reaction from the taller man as he sucked in a breath and swayed slightly on the spot. 

“did I do something wrong?” he asked, stopping his movements in fear of hurting the man. 

“No, oh hell no very much no.” Crowley panted putting his hand on his bare shoulder as if using him as a cane to hold himself upright. “That felt amazing but this is about you feeling good not me” he said and with what looked like a great amount of resistance he removed his hand and placed it on the bed beside him again. “I'm going to take off your trousers now Angel alright? I don't want you to try and cover or hide yourself I want to see all of you in your beautiful perfection.” He nodded anxiously as those beautiful long fingers once again set to work on the button of his trousers. Once the button was undone and the zip down his belly was on full display to the demon and he felt an immediate sense of nausea swell up in his throat and a niggling feeling at the back of his mind that he always got telling him to run and hide and never show his face again but he fought it back and let Crowley push the trousers and his underwear down his hips till he to was completely naked. “Perfection” the demon said in an almost whisper as he stood back and looked at him. Aziraphale hated it. He hated being looked at with such hungry eyes when all his mind could tell him was that they were blind to his true form. The urge to be flee got stronger as the demon practically circled around the bed looking at him from every angle seeing every inch of his rotund body. He didn't even realise he was moving his hands to cover himself till Crowley all put pounced on him pinning his arms to his side on the bed. “No you don't beautiful. God someone as beautiful as you should never be allowed to wear clothing. Clothing must've been one of our inventions those bastards” Aziraphale didn't even comment on Crowley's lack of wince at using Gods name. Now was neither the time or place when he was being pushed further on to the bed with a plump pillow beneath his head and another beneath his hips. 

“I don't even know where to start with you Angel. So much I want to touch and suck and lick and even bite if you'd let me...perfection...utter perfection” Crowley didn't even seem to be directly speaking to him but more speaking his thoughts aloud as he ran his hands over his body repeatedly stopping only to tweak his nipples which sent a shiver down his spine and straight to his groin or to lean in and kiss him slow and deep which left him with a warm fluttery feeling in his belly. “If I could keep you in this bed for eternity oh the things I would do to you my Angel but for now I'm going to make you come so hard the whole of London will hear you screaming my name”

He didn't even get a chance to object before the demon all but pounced on him and wrapped a hand around his penis and tugged with more determined hands than he had managed and he ravaged his mouth with kisses. He couldn't stop his back from arching high off the bed or his moans into his flame haired demons mouth. With each stroke the demon ground down against his thigh the thick heat of his penis pressing deep into his skin as he rutted against him. 

He could feel a pooling of heat and pleasure in the pit of his stomach build and build until he couldn't hold it in any more. 

“OH! CROWLEY!” he screamed his eyes rolling back into his head as hot liquid spurted from his penis and all over his belly and Crowley's hand who didn't pause before he started licking it off and offered the last drop on the tip of his finger to him. He nervously stuck out his tongue and tasted the salty offering. It wasn't pleasant but seeing the way his demons eyes flashed fiercely as his tongue wrapped around his finger gave him the courage to take them further into his mouth and suck more as pleasurable vibrations racked his body. 

Eventually the demon withdrew the fingers from his mouth allowing him freedom to pant heavily from the force of his orgasm. Crowley leaned in once more and kissed him with such ferocity the saltiness of his semen on both their tongues. “I still think you can go louder” He growled nipping at his ear lobe as he did. “I want to hear dogs howl from the volume of your screams do you hear me Angel?” he nodded breathlessly as the larger man fiddled with something he'd grabbed off the night stand that hadn't been there just moments ago. It was a thin tube which when squeezed secreted a clear liquid onto Crowley's fingers. “I want you to spread your legs for me and relax. I don't want to accidently hurt you” he said as he lathered his fingers in the liquid and it dawned on his orgasm addled brain that this must be the lubrication he'd read about which also meant that...oh! 

A cold finger pushed down between his thighs and probed at the tight ring of his entrance drawing circles around the puckered muscle spreading the rapidly warming liquid around. “Crowley I don't....” he said quickly putting both hands on the larger man's shoulders who immediately froze.

“You want to stop?” he asked looking at him with concerned affection.

“No...I just...I don't really understand how this all works... What if I do something wrong?” he asked anxiously picking at the bed sheets seeing as his waist coat wasn't there to toy with. 

“I will go slow and if you want to stop or pause or ask something you just say so my love. Say and it will stop any time” he was back to punctuating each word with a kiss again though this time to his inner thighs where he'd hoisted them up for better access to his....his there...

His whole body blushed a violent red when Crowley's finger finally pushed in past the tight ring of muscle and it was the strangest sensation he'd ever felt. It wasn't painful nor was it particularly pleasurable as the finger probed around inside him spreading what he now guessed was magical never ending lubrication around his insides. “Just wait Angel. Just adjust and wait” Crowley whispered planting a soft kiss just below his belly button making him whimper. 

A second finger was added fairly quickly and he began to feel a slight uncomfortable stretch as they went past the knuckle. Crowley appeared to be searching for something inside him as he spread and crooked his fingers inside him and he soon realised what he was looking for when an electric shock of pleasure shot through him again making him groan loudly and throw his head back his blonde curls now standing up messily on his head. “There it is. That's why this is all worth it Aziraphale. That is precisely the reason why male bodies were also designed for penetration you can thank our side for that one.” and he would oh he would thank all that is unholy for the sensations he was feeling as Crowley repeatedly probed at the soft lump inside him that made his whole body scream. Only minutes had passed since his last orgasm and already due to the new sensation his penis was starting to stir once more and stand to proud attention. 

He was so focused on the pleasure that he hadn't felt the burn of Crowley adding a third or fourth finger to his entrance till he felt the loss of the fingers being removed and heard the cap of the lubrication bottle pop open again. He looked down hungrily as the demon spread the lube over the rock hard head of his penis and down the shaft and the bottle was quickly discarded to the side and he arranged himself so he slotted perfectly between his legs. 

He'd thought the demons penis incredibly large before but seeing it there between his own thighs and about to replace the fingers that had just been inside him he began to fear that he wouldn't fit. “just breathe and relax Angel” Crowley reassured as he began to press in past the tight ring of muscle. Despite Crowley's more than attentive preparations the stretch of such a large intrusion caused some minor pain that was more like a dull burn than a sharp agony. His breath hitched and Crowley stopped his movements giving him time to adjust. “If you want me to stop just say so” he whispered clearly fighting the temptation to thrust hard into the tight heat of his body. 

He gulped in a large breath before answering “No I want you to keep going..just.. go slow okay?” and he did so. Agonizingly slow in fact to the point it felt like hours had passed before he was buried all the way up to the base inside him. In that moment he finally understood why humans took such pleasure in sexual intercourse. This was as close as two people could be without being one. They'd almost had to share a body once before when he'd been discorporated but he couldn't imagine it felt anywhere near as good as this did. 

The overall largeness of Crowley's penis meant that no matter where he moved or thrust it was always brushing up against that spot inside him that made his body scream. He needed more. “Go Crowley. Move I can take it now” he found himself moaning wantonly as the demon gave a sceptical thrust as if to check he was telling the truth about being ready. Seemingly assured by his reaction he began to pick up a slow but steady pace of thrusting deep within him before pulling out almost entirely.

Every thrust his accuracy for that spot improved till he hit it full on with each thrust and Aziraphale couldn't even moan aloud for the pleasure was to intense. His own penis had no reason to be touched as he could feel that feeling bubbling up within him again as Crowley's thrusts became more erratic. 

The demon pushed his thighs up higher till they were practically over his shoulders and he was bent double. The thrusts now were animalistic as the demon kissed him with such ferocity and left bite marks and faint scratches over his body. Each mark made him gasp more. 

“So beautiful my angel” Crowley moaned as his thrusts picked up a harder pace “So perfect and all mine. My angel, my lover my oh!” Crowley's beautiful eyes shut tight as he threw his head back thrusting one final time buried so deep inside him that he felt the hot liquid erupt inside him painting his insides white as his vision matched it. He to came screaming his lovers name so loud it was probably heard a bit further away than just London. He pulled the larger man towards him with more strength that was strictly necessary but it felt as if the more skin they had touching the more pleasure they felt as they both came down from their orgasms. 

They lay panting entwined in each others arms hot and sticky from sweat, saliva and semen all mingled into one but neither willing to move to clean each other up. Not that either of them needed to get up to get clean but both felt it would be more intimate if they did it manually rather than miraculously. Aziraphale also didn't want to get a visit from someone upstairs for the first time in a year who wanted an explanation as to why he'd performed a miracle to remove semen off a demons body. 

They lay together still connected till they both caught their breath and they became conscious of what had just happened. “I love you” he whispered quietly into Crowley's neck. The demon kissed his cheek and slowly pulled out of him with a faint wet pop. The cooling sweat on his skin brought him back entirely into the room and the unrivalled happiness he'd just felt was overtaken by the self-conscious thoughts invading his mind as he realised he was laying completely bare with nothing to cover him in the same room as his beloved. He blinked away the tear that threatened to fall and buried himself into Crowley's chest. He wasn't going to give in not this time. He'd felt so good and he'd felt as beautiful as Crowley had told him he was he wasn't going to back down now. 

He felt a warm soft blanket get pulled up over him by what must've been Crowley's magic as the man beside him pulled him further into his embrace and rubbed his sides soothingly. “Shh it's okay sweetheart. It's okay. You did so well and I'm so proud of you” He had done well he knew he had and for once he actually believed Crowley when he told him he was beautiful but he still felt awful now the pleasure was gone. “I love you so much Aziraphale. Sleep now my beautiful angel” he whispered pressing soft kisses to his blonde curls.

**Author's Note:**

> So i've never REALLY written a sex scene before but im actually quite proud of this as it was more focused on Aziraphales self esteem issues than the actual sex itself. 
> 
> I hope you all enjoy it and feel free to share it around and leave a comment or kudos. 
> 
> More to come soon!


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